There are those every once in a while who come up to me after a show and tell me how they could never do what I do. How they would be so scared to get up in front of people and be so vulnerable in a spotlight. Personally, I don't think they give themselves enough credit, but I also think there is something to be said for finding what it is you love to do. It took me a little time to grow into music, but really has become a relationship, and I feel my strongest when I'm performing and right after I write a good song.

But these people see me at my best. What many of them will never grasp is how much I struggle in the day to day things. I feel like I walk through everyday holding my breath, trying not to let anyone else know that I'm usually on the verge of panic. Every night I think about the conversations I had, and kick myself for all the stupid things I said. I'll get off the phone (the rare times I use it) and my hands will be shaking. I don't know how to shop for groceries, or drive, or do my taxes. I have an incredibly guilty conscience and cut myself off from society entirely too easily. Until this job, I had never been successfully employed at any one place for longer than three months, maybe two. And the only reason I still have this one is I don't have a choice.

Just trying to find where I fit. Can't live on stage.