ok. ok, ok, ok.
I can be better. I can be braver. I can be happy.
I can try harder.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
never enough
I keep waiting for something, I don't even know what. Some good news, some report of change. Some... thing. That would make my life much more interesting to read about. Fill one with the need to check back for the next exciting installment. But the truth is I have nothing. Not really. So this is what you get.
Dynamics are shifting, I am trying my best to adapt to all sorts of new emotional circumstances, and the hardest part I think for me is trying to do this while looking at the same scenery I've had out my window for so long now. So I'm here, I exist with the power to decide, and what am I deciding? What am I doing with all that power to determine a course? And how much has already been put in place, immovable, so all that's left is naught but to live with the consequences? And how much further am I expected to go on like this?
I feel so heavy, I have so much on my mind and no idea how to sort through it... I don't know how to process it all. I carry around a permanent headache, and can't even sleep through the night anymore. I always seem to be falling apart. I need help, and help is on the other side of the world. At least it's good for a song though, right? At least I'm good for something. I'm so glad I have all this misery and heart break to draw from so I can make a buck or two relating to all the others that have misery and heart break too. Life's just dandy.
Dynamics are shifting, I am trying my best to adapt to all sorts of new emotional circumstances, and the hardest part I think for me is trying to do this while looking at the same scenery I've had out my window for so long now. So I'm here, I exist with the power to decide, and what am I deciding? What am I doing with all that power to determine a course? And how much has already been put in place, immovable, so all that's left is naught but to live with the consequences? And how much further am I expected to go on like this?
I feel so heavy, I have so much on my mind and no idea how to sort through it... I don't know how to process it all. I carry around a permanent headache, and can't even sleep through the night anymore. I always seem to be falling apart. I need help, and help is on the other side of the world. At least it's good for a song though, right? At least I'm good for something. I'm so glad I have all this misery and heart break to draw from so I can make a buck or two relating to all the others that have misery and heart break too. Life's just dandy.
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