when I speak I cross my fingers

I don't know where I was the day we learned to be around other people, but I was obviously not in attendance. Fully aware that social outings are not my strong suit, I've managed to avoid those particular situations for the better part of 2 1/2 years. This behavior apparently doesn't leave you with many friends. I thought I didn't need them.

I was wrong.

And now, I'm finding opportunities to leave the house and be around people, and a combination of being out of practice at something I couldn't do well to begin with- it's a pretty frustrating dilemma. And I don't know what to do about it. My mom says it'll get better, & I hope she's right. But I don't know how long I can go with it being worse... I'm swinging between awkward and lonely, and the only time I'm neither is when I'm by myself.

I don't know where to look, where to put my hands, where to stand, what to say, what to do... and not sometimes, or even most of the time- ALL the time. It's no one's fault. It just is. And I'm really, really tired of living in a constant state of uncomfortable and semi-panic. But I haven't a clue what to do about it. Staying inside is no solution, and it's the only one I've had for years. What now?