Small Victories

Today, I bought groceries.

I have heretofore been rather unmotivated to accomplish this simple task, so today, I'm counting that as a win. And that's the big answer. How I cope. All the times I've been asked "How do you do it?" ("it" being, live without my spouse for months at a time), and that's it. Groceries.

I'm just over halfway through Landon's first long venture out to sea (with many more to follow), and I think I'm reaching a point where I'm ok. I've been trying to stay busy, take things a day at a time, and take pride accomplishments no matter how small. Between the house, a friend with two kids up the street, music, and doctor appointments I've kept the calendar pretty full, but beyond that I'm starting to recognize the small victories. And that's the key, really. Working out- small victory. Driving somewhere- small victory. Making a phone call. Eating yogurt. Getting out my front door. And today, groceries. All small victories.

I've had to fight the urge to "save things" for when he's home. I'm accepting, slowly, that I can watch our favorite show without him, I can go out to eat without him, that I have to be able to not only function but let myself enjoy life without him here. And that has to be ok. Misery doesn't prove I miss him more. These are lessons I'm learning, and ones I would never choose to learn on my own accord. I don't know what the months ahead have in store for us, but I finally felt just the other night for the first time that I have the ability to thrive in less than ideal circumstances. And I'm doing it. I still have good days and bad days, but ultimately, I know I'm stronger now than I was two months ago. Two years ago. And so on. And I think as long as I'm moving forward, even if it's alone at times, that I'll be just fine.