Lately I've been having some major inadequacy dreams. I'm pretty sure I know why, but that's irrelevant as pertaining to this blog post. They aren't just scary dreams either. They're not really scary at all, in a traditional sense. These are custom made for Courtney bad dreams, designed specifically to make me feel completely and utterly worthless. So my brain, pulling from the deep dark recesses to find the one thing that will disturb and make me question my self-worth more than anything else, has decided the cruelest thing to do to me... is put me in math class.
I'm not even kidding. This has gone on several nights in a row. Math class. Every time. I haven't even had a math class in almost seven years. Evidently, it was a more scarring experience than I gave it credit for. Sure, I like to think of myself as at least a passably intelligent human being, so I don't really enjoy being so inept at something so simple. But I wouldn't have thought with my conscious brain that math class- above all else in my entire lifetime- would be the most poignant reminder of personal ineptitude.
So when I throw a comment out there like "I'm not real good with numbers", I mean it. I have the nightmares to prove it.
Does this happen to anyone else?
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Irony at the Airport
I'm in LA for a second time in about a month, mostly to work on music stuff but secretly to hang out with the Malicks (because they're awesome). It's my first experience co-writing, and it's been wonderful. We've cranked out 4 1/2 songs in 3 1/2 days, so we're calling it a definite win. And they're really good songs too. Added bonus.
The irony came at airport security. I was waiting for my bag to reappear on the the other side of the luggage car wash when I noticed several security people looking very intently at the screen. I made eye contact with one of them as he came over to attach bag with owner and take a closer look. He apologized for the inconvenience, then pulled my scriptures out of my backpack and said "Oh, this is it." Apparently, because of the thin pages it looks like one solid brick on the x-ray machine (and shows up in a "bad color", I was told), and due to its size, it appeared to be a solid brick of C4 or something like it on their monitors. Honestly the security guard was amused that the suspicious object turned out to be a religious text. I was too.
The irony came at airport security. I was waiting for my bag to reappear on the the other side of the luggage car wash when I noticed several security people looking very intently at the screen. I made eye contact with one of them as he came over to attach bag with owner and take a closer look. He apologized for the inconvenience, then pulled my scriptures out of my backpack and said "Oh, this is it." Apparently, because of the thin pages it looks like one solid brick on the x-ray machine (and shows up in a "bad color", I was told), and due to its size, it appeared to be a solid brick of C4 or something like it on their monitors. Honestly the security guard was amused that the suspicious object turned out to be a religious text. I was too.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Human Stampede
On June 26th, I ran my first half-marathon.
Anyone who witnessed my pathetic attempts at jogging all through junior high and high school will attest to how great a miracle this truly is. It was amazing. Even though I didn't feel completely ready for it, I did it. And this, like some things in life, you do just to finish.
It came at the end of a crazy few weeks. Landon flew off the Virginia, and I spent two weeks toodling around the greater Salem area. I picked him up from the airport on a Thursday, we hung out a couple days, and then I flew off to LA for a music thing (which is a post for another day, but totally totally cool). I was there for another few days, then came back to Salem, then drove up to Seattle the next day for race check-in and the expo. I had never been to a race expo before, and let me tell you, it was an experience. I sampled so much energy goo I'm surprised I got any sleep that night. But I'm a sucker for free samples.
The next morning, we drove the two miles down to the start line (along with 27,000 other people). Needless to say, it was fairly slow going. We ditched the car (we being me and my parents, who participated along with my brother and sister-in-law), and left it in Landon's hands to get back to the hotel and then come find all of us at the finish line later. He was a good sport about the whole thing, and made it all logistically possible (thanks honey).
I stuck with my mom because we were in the same starting corral (we were indeed feeling like cattle, so the name was fitting), but by the time we got there everyone was moving so we jumped in a few corrals back. Which is probably where I belonged anyway. We followed some runners cutting in where the fence was open, and they were ready to close it up right behind me so I turned back and yelled "MOM!" and they let her through too. It would have been a long walk in the wrong direction otherwise. I guess it was a decent walk to the actual start line but it kept moving pretty well and there were so many people and so much adrenaline that I didn't really notice. We saw the big banner ahead at last, and before I knew it we were on our way.
*IMPORTANT SIDE STORY* So.... we get up to Seattle the night before the race, right? We check in to our hotel, start making dinner plans, etc, and suddenly at 7:30pm as I'm laying out my race outfit for the next morning, a very dark realization sunk in. "Oh no, oh no, oh no, you've got to be kidding me!!" Sure enough, I had left my shoes in Oregon. My SHOES, people. Like, the ones I had been running in for months and was planning on running in for 13.1 miles the next morning? Those shoes. My RUNNING shoes. Landon, who I was convinced was realizing he had married the biggest idiot on the planet, shook his head, chuckled a little and said "Well, I guess we better find you some shoes then." So we did. At 8:00pm we pulled up to a big mall by the Olive Garden where we were eating which was thankfully still open, went straight to Lady Footlocker and found my shoes. I took the display, presented it to the lovely employee there and told her I needed a 6 1/2, and held my breath as she went to the back room. She came back with a box, I blurted out my whole tragic story, and then we made our purchase. And found out Footlocker gives a military discount. On our way out of the mall, Landon says to me "Anything for a new pair of shoes, huh?"
The course was very pretty, and with the exception of the final mile, no severe hills. I ran with my mom for the first three, then she left me in the dust when I had to walk. I quickly learned I was not coordinated enough to run and drink at the water stations at the same time. It was a surreal experience to run alongside thousands of people, a human stampede. I felt really solid through ten miles, which surprised me and I'm very happy with. The last couple of miles were very hard. But we got to run along the water for while, through a tunnel, up on the freeway express lanes then finally through town, and it was an adventure. I finished just under three hours, and I'm happy with that. I plan to do more in the future. In my shiny new running shoes.
I had a small burst of energy left and crossed the finish line with it. Someone gave me a medal, which I put on and it was heavy. I wandered for a couple of minutes but found my dad pretty quickly- a huge relief. It was good to have him right there, I needed to be told to stay hydrated, get one of those foil blankets to stay warm, and eat something, none of which I wanted to do, initially. We gradually found our other family members, took pictures, and headed to the train to get back to the car. I was so sore I could barely walk. I loved saying I ran 13.1 miles for the rest of the day though, and my new shoes are pretty awesome. All in all a great experience, and I look forward to my next one.
My feet were fine, by the way.
Anyone who witnessed my pathetic attempts at jogging all through junior high and high school will attest to how great a miracle this truly is. It was amazing. Even though I didn't feel completely ready for it, I did it. And this, like some things in life, you do just to finish.
It came at the end of a crazy few weeks. Landon flew off the Virginia, and I spent two weeks toodling around the greater Salem area. I picked him up from the airport on a Thursday, we hung out a couple days, and then I flew off to LA for a music thing (which is a post for another day, but totally totally cool). I was there for another few days, then came back to Salem, then drove up to Seattle the next day for race check-in and the expo. I had never been to a race expo before, and let me tell you, it was an experience. I sampled so much energy goo I'm surprised I got any sleep that night. But I'm a sucker for free samples.
The next morning, we drove the two miles down to the start line (along with 27,000 other people). Needless to say, it was fairly slow going. We ditched the car (we being me and my parents, who participated along with my brother and sister-in-law), and left it in Landon's hands to get back to the hotel and then come find all of us at the finish line later. He was a good sport about the whole thing, and made it all logistically possible (thanks honey).
I stuck with my mom because we were in the same starting corral (we were indeed feeling like cattle, so the name was fitting), but by the time we got there everyone was moving so we jumped in a few corrals back. Which is probably where I belonged anyway. We followed some runners cutting in where the fence was open, and they were ready to close it up right behind me so I turned back and yelled "MOM!" and they let her through too. It would have been a long walk in the wrong direction otherwise. I guess it was a decent walk to the actual start line but it kept moving pretty well and there were so many people and so much adrenaline that I didn't really notice. We saw the big banner ahead at last, and before I knew it we were on our way.
*IMPORTANT SIDE STORY* So.... we get up to Seattle the night before the race, right? We check in to our hotel, start making dinner plans, etc, and suddenly at 7:30pm as I'm laying out my race outfit for the next morning, a very dark realization sunk in. "Oh no, oh no, oh no, you've got to be kidding me!!" Sure enough, I had left my shoes in Oregon. My SHOES, people. Like, the ones I had been running in for months and was planning on running in for 13.1 miles the next morning? Those shoes. My RUNNING shoes. Landon, who I was convinced was realizing he had married the biggest idiot on the planet, shook his head, chuckled a little and said "Well, I guess we better find you some shoes then." So we did. At 8:00pm we pulled up to a big mall by the Olive Garden where we were eating which was thankfully still open, went straight to Lady Footlocker and found my shoes. I took the display, presented it to the lovely employee there and told her I needed a 6 1/2, and held my breath as she went to the back room. She came back with a box, I blurted out my whole tragic story, and then we made our purchase. And found out Footlocker gives a military discount. On our way out of the mall, Landon says to me "Anything for a new pair of shoes, huh?"
The course was very pretty, and with the exception of the final mile, no severe hills. I ran with my mom for the first three, then she left me in the dust when I had to walk. I quickly learned I was not coordinated enough to run and drink at the water stations at the same time. It was a surreal experience to run alongside thousands of people, a human stampede. I felt really solid through ten miles, which surprised me and I'm very happy with. The last couple of miles were very hard. But we got to run along the water for while, through a tunnel, up on the freeway express lanes then finally through town, and it was an adventure. I finished just under three hours, and I'm happy with that. I plan to do more in the future. In my shiny new running shoes.
I had a small burst of energy left and crossed the finish line with it. Someone gave me a medal, which I put on and it was heavy. I wandered for a couple of minutes but found my dad pretty quickly- a huge relief. It was good to have him right there, I needed to be told to stay hydrated, get one of those foil blankets to stay warm, and eat something, none of which I wanted to do, initially. We gradually found our other family members, took pictures, and headed to the train to get back to the car. I was so sore I could barely walk. I loved saying I ran 13.1 miles for the rest of the day though, and my new shoes are pretty awesome. All in all a great experience, and I look forward to my next one.
My feet were fine, by the way.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
America, the beautiful
I'll catch you up on all the craziness of my life soon, but for today, I wanted to share all the verses of "America the Beautiful".
O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!
O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife.
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for halcyon skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the enameled plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till souls wax fair as earth and air
And music-hearted sea!
O beautiful for pilgrims feet,
Whose stem impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till paths be wrought through
wilds of thought
By pilgrim foot and knee!
O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice,
for man's avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee!
O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!
O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife.
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for halcyon skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the enameled plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till souls wax fair as earth and air
And music-hearted sea!
O beautiful for pilgrims feet,
Whose stem impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till paths be wrought through
wilds of thought
By pilgrim foot and knee!
O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice,
for man's avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee!
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