what day is it?

There's always a kind of letdown, coming back home. Not that home is so awful, or anything like that, I just like going places. Places near, places far, doesn't matter, it's somewhere different than wherever here is. Ironic for someone who's scared to leave the house. But I would pack anyday over UN-packing. And I guess it's tough not to look too deep into what it feels like symbolically. So I'm here, dealing with all my wrinkley clothes, figuring out what got left behind accidently, and wondering when the next opportunity to use my suitcase will be.

"hmm" moment

So many directions I could go here... I'll just pick one and get back to the others. Topic of choice: ........ uhh...... ... ... ... this is the part where I sum up the whole idea in one neat little package, but no one or two word phrases are coming to mind, so I'll just launch right in.

It occurred to me today that I have been existing on false assumptions. I'm a little slow, so no need to rub it in here, but honestly I was looking at myself and seeing that I'm constantly (and often in vain) searching for the right thing to say, etc, etc. I know perfectly well that I have no idea what the heck I'm doing, or should be, pretty much all the time. And really up 'til now it's been with the assumption that everyone else knows exactly what they're doing. And now that I'm beginning to think that's not necessarily the case, I'm not sure what to do about it. Makes me go "hmmm".

Hmmm.

spinning in circles

I feel like I owe the world a constant explanation. Not that the world cares, or that this reaches the world somehow, but when you're trying to argue your case to the world you have to start somewhere.

I've been beating my head against a wall for a really long time, and though I recently found a new wall, am still beating regardless of the newness of the wall. And I don't know how much longer I can hold all the pieces together without completely falling apart.